Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
