before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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