you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
