i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
