Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
