its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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