I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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