This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
