Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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