This girl is more easily done than said...
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
operation have a gay friend backfired
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
