When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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