Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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