Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
