drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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