I need help removing her.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
