Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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