Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
