omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize