i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize