I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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