Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Boobs are out for the taking
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
