You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
