do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
