You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
