I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
