He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
