i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
