1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
