God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
