just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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