...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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