I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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