Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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