We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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