So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
