Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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