Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Randomize