There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
