I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize