i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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