it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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