We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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