Having a random hookup so left but love u
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
