I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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