wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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