I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
and she was petting her beer can
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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