He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
