i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
