there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
