whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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