I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize