How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
