I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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