Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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