Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
