Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
