he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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