he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
