I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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