dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
