If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
