I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
