I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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