Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
