just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
