So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
