Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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