Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
