Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize