So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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