I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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