a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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