I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
