Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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