Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
