i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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