yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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