Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
