is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
