so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
