You're completely useless in the revolution.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
