we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
