never play flip cup with pint glasses
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
