pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
