lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Ketchup is God's man juice
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
