I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
