my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
