What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize