she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
