Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
