I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
