Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
