We named our party play list daddy issues
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
