I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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