That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
