OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
