I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Randomize
