one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
babies were throwing up all over the place
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
