Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
