i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
