quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Can I color on your dick again?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
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