Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
