You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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