My cat gives me a boner
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize