Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
