I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
