haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
