if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
