one might say we're banned from that church
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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