For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize