i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
