Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
