We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize