bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
