What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
