The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
