you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
