She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
