talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
