note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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