I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
