dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
